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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28285266">I’ll Be Home For Christmas</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merry1978/pseuds/Merry1978'>Merry1978</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Christmas, Crazy Family Stuff, Gen, Implied Relationships, Other, Secret Relationship, Sirius Black is obsessed with Severus Snape, Skeletons In The Closet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:21:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,820</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28285266</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merry1978/pseuds/Merry1978</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been a year and a half since the war ended, yet Sirius Black seems to be as obsessed with Severus Snape as ever. It’s Christmas, and that means family time, right? Harry is suspicious and disturbed, Sirius is troubled, Severus is smirking... what can go wrong? Or might it be that everything goes right, just once?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Potter &amp; Severus Snape, Sirius Black &amp; Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I’ll Be Home For Christmas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Just in case, a small list of warnings. While the story itself is technically Gen, a certain same-sex relationship is hinted at and later discussed in a rather humorous tone (and not because it's same-sex, no). Hope this does not seem offensive to anyone in any way. Other than that, some mild drinking is mentioned, as well as some bloodletting. And a lot of bad jokes (it's Sirius, after all). And The Queen. And Shakespeare. All in all, crazy family Christmas stuff, as we know and like it.<br/>PS. Ending Notes contain major spoiler so don't read them before the story itself if you don't like spoilers. ^_^<br/>PPS. British floor numeration is used here, so beware! ^_^<br/>HAPPY CHRISTMAS!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~ 1 ~</p><p>“Sev! Where are you, Sev?”</p><p>“In here! Come in!” Severus shouted back, keeping his eye on the cauldron. He was finishing yet another batch of Pepper-Up. By the middle of December, almost half a school had started to sneeze and cough as usual, trying to skip classes and avoid tests under such a feeble pretext. Every year, Severus accused the students of faking it for all the world to hear, but still brewed the potion for Poppy.</p><p>“Sev!”</p><p>Panting, Sirius Black flung the lab door open and, breathing heavily, leaned against the frame.</p><p>“Who died this time?” Severus inquired calmly.</p><p>“Harry thinks I am... he thinks we’re... you and I...” Sirius clutched at the door frame and gulped like a fifth year who had just tried Firewhiskey for the first time in their life.</p><p>“Stop panicking. I assure you, whatever your precious godson might think of us, it would not be the first utter idiocy that came to his mind. He will definitely survive it.”</p><p>“Oh, yes, but...” Sirius still struggled for words. “He believes we’re... that we have...” he made a vague gesture, “a relationship!”</p><p>Severus put out the fire under the cauldron and looked at the Animagus with mocking curiosity.</p><p>“Really?” he drawled. “Pray tell what kind of a relationship we do have, according to your inimitable godson?”</p><p>Sirius hesitated before answering, actually looking a bit ill.</p><p>“Erm... a romantic one?” he forced himself to admit.</p><p>Despite his will, Severus burst out laughing.</p><p>“How delightful. I hope you have masterfully dissuaded him from the notion.”</p><p>Sirius gulped.</p><p>“Well, I tried.”</p><p>At that, Severus stopped laughing and frowned.</p><p>“Why do I hear the inevitable ‘but’?” he asked.</p><p>“Because there is one. <em>But</em> Harry started asking some very stupid questions. Like, why I am visiting you at least thrice a week. Why he is daily hearing something like ‘Snape this’ and ‘Snape that’ from me. And why—”</p><p>Suddenly, Sirius looked away and mumbled something unintelligible.</p><p>“And why <em>what</em>?”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter.”</p><p>Now, Sirius actually reddened slightly, and Severus felt his curiosity picked even more.</p><p>“Still, I would like to know. Out with it,” he demanded, narrowing his eyes.</p><p>“Well, if you insist, Harry wanted to know why I threatened to box his ears if he called you a bastard one more time in my presence.”</p><p>“I must confess,” Severus began dryly, as he wiped dry the freshly-washed ladle with a clean cloth, “that I am now much interested myself in your answer, as I hear that name from you at least once a week. So, why did you do that?”</p><p>“I claim temporary madness,” the Animagus answered darkly.</p><p>“I maintain that there’s nothing temporary about it,” Severus smirked.</p><p>“Bastard.”</p><p>“Yes, I am well aware of that,” Severus drawled lazily. “Now, as nice as your attempts at being witty are, finish your story. What did you tell the boy in the end?”</p><p>Sirius sighed.</p><p>“Well, I tried convincing him we’re just good frenemies, and all that rot. He did not believe me, though. He has some rather strange ideas, I tell you. Anyway, he wanted you to come home for Christmas. I mean, spending Christmas with us.”</p><p>Severus dropped his perfectly cleaned ladle and swore.</p><p>“Yeah, my feelings exactly,” Sirius said. “He also said something about Christmas being a time for family, et cetera, et cetera.”</p><p>“You know,” Severus began slyly, “I have an idea. If I just poison you, I bet the boy will lose any doubts about the nature of our relationship.”</p><p>“It’s a bad time for dumb jokes, Snape!”</p><p>“This whole conversation sounds like a series of dumb jokes, so one more doesn’t make a difference. You started it, anyway.”</p><p>“I know, I know, but that does not help.” Sirius came up to him and took up the ladle from the floor. “I think we must tell him the truth, Sev.”</p><p>Severus narrowed his eyes.</p><p>“Can you imagine what a tantrum the boy will inevitably throw?”</p><p>Sirius sighed.</p><p>“I think I do. But what else can we do now?”</p><p>“That depends.” Severus pried the unfortunate ladle back from Sirius’s hands and started washing it again. “As for me, I must start decanting the Pepper-Up potion and putting together the base for the Wolfsbane. If you are willing to be useful, you can start with washing the vials. Otherwise, just sit tight in a corner somewhere and don’t be in the way, you silly mutt.”</p><p>“If you will not murder me for my love, let me be your servant,” Sirius grinned, taking one of the vials from the worktable.</p><p>“Idiot.” Severus smirked. “Don’t you dare use magic!” he snapped but a moment later. “Spells’ residue on the glass will interfere with most potions, don’t you remember anything from your school years?”</p><p>“Why bother?” Sirius grinned even wider and went to the sink in the corner of the lab. “I have you for such boring things, after all.”</p><p>“Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment.”</p><p>“O good Severus, forgive me your trouble!” Sirius wailed and burst into laughter.</p><p>“And here we’ve come full circle, haven’t we?” with a small chuckle, Severus shook his head and added in a dry tone, “Stop wagging your tongue and set to work, if you please. Otherwise I might conjure a rolled newspaper specially for you.”</p><p>“In this case, I have no choice but to oblige.” Rolling up his sleeves, Sirius actually went with the vials to the sink and started washing them. “I might, however, make a complaint later as I am obviously abused and threatened by my own...” Instead of finishing the phrase, he made a gesture that was vague and rude at the same time.</p><p>Severus snorted and took the second cauldron for the Wolfsbane from the cupboard. For some time, there were no talking in the laboratory, and nothing except for occasional clinking or clattering disturbed the comfortable silence. Unfortunately, Sirius was never able to keep his mouth shut for long.</p><p>“Listen, Sev,” he said distractedly, sitting on the worktable and wiping yet another vial with a pristine white cloth. “And why, exactly, our relationship is not romantic?”</p><p>Severus barely stopped himself from dropping a whole jar of aconite into his cauldron.</p><p>“Black! Now is a <em>really</em> bad moment for idiotic jokes!”</p><p>“Well, I, for my part, think it has always been rather romantic,” Sirius grinned. “Our relationship, I mean. Well, your stunt at the Department of Mysteries alone is more than enough to...”</p><p> “Black!” Severus barked, feeling close to losing his temper more than usual. Not that he was that easily angered, no, but really, how hard it was to think before opening one’s mouth? Well, if one was a Black, though... “All right, I know that you are not the brain in this family, but it’s too much even for you. I repeat, now is NOT the time. Unless you wish your furry friend to suffer a violent and painful death on the next full moon.”</p><p>“All right, all right, I’ll shut up,” Sirius said quickly. “Your vials are all clean and shiny. Shall I start pouring the Pepper-Up potion into them?”</p><p>“Yes. The ladle is other there, help yourself,” Severus barked, resuming his own work.</p><p> </p><p>~ * ~</p><p>“Well?” Sirius asked almost two hours later. Severus had just lowered the heat under the Wolfsbane, covered the cauldron with a lid and started washing his hands.</p><p>“Well what?” he grumbled.</p><p>“You know perfectly well what I meant. When are we going to tell Harry?”</p><p>“We?” Severus frowned.  “What does this have to do with me?”</p><p>“You know, Sev, if you aren’t going to help me...”</p><p>“You’ll just have to get yourself out of this particular soup on your own,” Severus remarked rather calmly.</p><p>“I tried getting myself out on my own, and that didn’t work,” Sirius made a face. Harry probably thinks the lady doth protest too much, you know. The more I try, the more suspicious he gets. And if I just tell him everything as it is, well... don’t you remember what he did when he thought I had been killed at the Ministry?”</p><p>At that, Severus frowned. “Come on, let’s go to the sitting room. I need a drink.”</p><p>“The best idea I heard from you today,” Sirius answered wholeheartedly.</p><p>“In this case, move your lazy backside out of here,” Severus ordered, locking the lab door behind them. “The settee and the chairs are probably littered with the students’ tests, just put the useless papers onto my desk, if you please. And Don’t. Leave. Doghair. On. My. Furniture.”</p><p>“So, you prefer me lying on your carpet?” Sirius laughed. “An incomparable hospitality!”</p><p>“You’re always welcome,” Severus shot back, getting a bottle of whiskey out of the small oak cabinet adorned with carved snakes and dead vines.</p><p>“What’s that? Ardbeg 1974? Aren’t you a sybarite?”</p><p>“Not me. Lucius. He was considerate enough to make me a good Christmas present last year, after all that... bloody mess was finally other.”</p><p>“Lucius?” Sirius frowned. “Are you sure we won’t get poisoned?”</p><p>“There’s an easy way to check. Are you game?” Severus poured some whiskey into a couple of tumblers and held one out to Sirius. “Where is your Gryffindor courage, mutt?”</p><p>“Interacting with you on a regular basis uses up all my Gryffindor courage, as it is,” Sirius grumbled before taking a cautious sip. “Oh. OH.”</p><p>“Oh yes.”</p><p>For some time, they were totally silent, savouring their drinks.</p><p>“Smoke on the water,” Sirius said at last, closing his eyes and laying back in his armchair. “The roar of the North Sea. The seaweed on the iced rocks. And the gulls crying in the winds.”</p><p>“Give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry,” Severus snorted.</p><p>“You just don’t have a good enough taste to appreciate free verse,” Sirius smirked at him. “All right. What should we do about Harry? I have a bad feeling he might do something really idiotic if we don’t disabuse him of his ideas.”</p><p>“As much as I hate agreeing with you on anything, you have a point. We’ll have to tell him the truth before he starts spreading obscene rumours left and right.”</p><p>“Surely, Harry wouldn’t do that!” Sirius exclaimed, affronted.</p><p>Severus shook his head.</p><p>“<em>Surely</em>, he shares everything with the Granger girl and Ronald Weasley. This is quite enough to start the rumour mill, trust me.”</p><p>Sirius sighed.</p><p>“All right. When do we do it?”</p><p>“Any suggestions?”</p><p>“Hmm... Would you really mind coming home for Christmas? I’ll tell Harry you have agreed, and then he’ll have some time to get used to the idea, and later we tell him.”</p><p>Severus choked on his whiskey.</p><p>“You... you want...” he managed between the fits of coughing. “You want to let him think we are... You. Are. Mad.”</p><p>“Well, I don’t propose being mushy around him, or something like that.”</p><p>“Stop. This. Instant. I’ll get sick.” Severus shuddered. “Don’t you dare saying such foul things while I’m sampling twenty-five-year-old whiskey.”</p><p>“Sorry. You’re perfectly right. Well, what do you think about Christmas?”</p><p>“I think you’ve gone out of your mind,” Severus grumbled. “And, probably, so have I, as I don’t see any other possibilities. It’s but a week before Christmas, and I am going to be very busy right until the 23<sup>rd</sup>.”</p><p>“So, you’ll come. Perfect.”</p><p>Sirius’s smile was blinding.</p><p>“Don’t wait for presents from me, by the way.”</p><p>“Of course, I won’t. Who do you take me for?”</p><p>“For an idiot you actually are?”</p><p>“Bastard.”</p><p>Now it was Severus’s turn to give a bright smile.</p><p>“Sorry, could not help myself.”</p><p>“As if I would believe you.” Sirius snorted. “Another round?”</p><p>“If you get drunk, you’ll sleep on the doormat.”</p><p>“All right.”</p><p> </p><p>~ * ~</p><p>Frowning and trying to hide his curiosity, Severus ran an eye over the half-lit hallway of the Number 12<sup>th</sup> Grimmauld Place. The dark paper peeling off the walls was gone, and the walls had been repainted with bright colours. Alongside the gas lamps and tiny Yule fairy lanterns there were Muggle Christmas string lights, glimmering merrily at the incomers. The wizarding portraits had been replaced with giant Muggle posters and banners.</p><p>Severus snorted.</p><p>“Dark magic?” he asked, pointing at the Queen poster in the former Walburga’s frame.</p><p>“Turpentine,” Sirius answered laconically.</p><p>“Imaginative,” Severus nodded with approval. “Have you vandalized the whole house in this way, or did you limit yourself to the hall only?”</p><p>“The whole house, of course,” Sirius said proudly. “I’ve been dreaming of doing just that since I escaped the mansion in the summer of seventy-six and heard the Bohemian Rhapsody for the first time.”</p><p>Shaking his head, Severus started slowly unhooking his winter cloak, damp and heavy after a long walk to Hogsmeade under the December rain.</p><p>“I’ve always been wondering,” he said lazily, “who of your merry pureblood sidekicks managed to turn you into a rock-n-roll freak?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged.</p><p>“Remy’s father was Muggle-born, didn’t you know?”</p><p>“Ah. That explains it.”</p><p>Without any additional comments, Severus shoved a big brown paper package into Sirius’s hands. The Animagus smirked.</p><p>“And who told me not to wait for presents?” he asked.</p><p>“It’s not a present. Just provisions,” the Potions master grumbled.</p><p>“Oh yeah, I get it,” Sirius grinned, feeling a heavy bottle under the rough brown paper. “All right, you just go upstairs. I prepared for you a bedroom on the second floor, the second door on the right. Leave your stuff up there and come back to the drawing room. That’s there is the Christmas tree.”</p><p>“And where is Potter, pray tell?”</p><p>“In his room, I’d think.” Sirius shrugged. “Go settle in, I’ll find you later.”</p><p>With that, he went down to the kitchen, his heavy boots thudding on the stairs.</p><p>Hanging his cloak on the stand, Severus went upstairs to investigate whatever juvenile practical jokes of Black were waiting for him in his temporary bedroom.</p><p>He was almost at the second-floor landing when below him on the first floor the door opened, and Potter’s head appeared in the doorway.</p><p>“Siri!” it bellowed. “Will Remy and Tonks come today?”</p><p>“As it is two days past full moon, I presume it is entirely possible,” Severus drawled, looking at the boy from above. “Good morning, Mr. Potter.”</p><p>Startled, Potter gave a jerk, banging his ear against the door frame. After that, he stared up at Severus with wide eyes and blushed to the roots of his dishevelled hair.</p><p>“Um... good morning... sir.”</p><p> Still red, the boy disappeared behind his door. Smirking, Severus went to his own bedroom. Contrary to his expectations, it was neither painted red and gold nor stuffed with various samples of the latest Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes merchandise. With its simple greens and browns, even if a bit more modern than Severus would have liked, the room looked quite presentable. Unshrinking his personal belongings, Severus waved his wand, silently sending his spare robes to the wardrobe, his toothbrush to the adjoining bathroom, and his other things to the chest of drawers.</p><p>“Settling in?” Sirius smiled wryly at him from the door. “Do you want some help?”</p><p>“No, thank you. Still can’t keep your teenaged mind away from my underpants, Black?”</p><p>“Just can’t help myself, Sevvie,” Sirius smirked. His grey eyes shining with mirth, he came into the room and flopped on the bed, putting his hands behind his head and smiling boyishly, despite his greying hair and hardened face. “I will have you know I start my every single day thinking of them.”</p><p>“You are hopeless.”</p><p>“Well, I do try, thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>~ * ~</p><p>“You are making angels weep, Black.”</p><p>“Get. Off.”</p><p>“I am impressed, indeed. What are you trying to achieve, pray tell?”</p><p>“And what does it look like?”</p><p>“It looks like you have somehow acquired an unhealthy interest in dead waterfowl.”</p><p>“Your sense of humour is brilliant, Snape. Do I have to explain where to stuff it?”</p><p>“Hm. Should I assume that our future chance to consume a Christmas dinner depends on the fate of this wretched goose?”</p><p>“Listen, Sevvie, if you do not like my cooking methods you can just do it yourself.”</p><p>“Actually, I detest your methods almost in everything you do. Now. Give me the knife, <em>Blackie</em>, leave the poor bird be and go fetch Potter.”</p><p>“Your wish is my command, you bastard.”</p><p>“Yes, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>~ * ~</p><p>“I didn’t know you can cook... sir.”</p><p>“It looks like you get more foolish with each coming year, Potter. Don’t you remember what I do for a living?”</p><p>“Er...”</p><p>“Er, indeed.”</p><p>“Well... actually, I... er...”</p><p>“If you wish to say something, just do it, Potter.”</p><p>“Well, I wanted to say I could cook. I mean, I can.”</p><p>“A dubious statement. I don’t see the point of it, however.”</p><p>“Potions and cooking are not the same thing.”</p><p>“And this statement is even more dubious.”</p><p>Potter mumbled something undecipherable and attacked the apples he was dicing with vicious determination. Severus sighed.</p><p>“I need the apple dices to be one quarter of an inch exactly, neither more nor less. What I don’t need is apple mash.”</p><p>“All right. Sir.”</p><p>“As soon as you are finished with the stuffing, start peeling the potatoes. I surmise your shining cooking talents should be enough for the task. I also hope Black has been smart enough to buy a Christmas cake instead of trying to bake it.”</p><p>Potter made a face and grumbled something under his nose again.</p><p>“I beg your pardon?” Severus inquired.</p><p>“I said if you are never happy with me or with Sirius, why would you choose to have... er... a relationship with him? Sir.”</p><p>Severus gave the insolent brat a wry smile.</p><p>“I will tell you one thing, Potter. Neither he nor I had absolutely any choice on this matter.”</p><p>The brat goggled at him and then slightly paled. Merlin, thought Severus, he is so gullible. It was almost too easy. However, teasing the idiotic boy was too much of a pleasure to stop so soon.</p><p>“By the way,” Severus allowed himself an evil smile, “it is no longer necessary to call me ‘sir”. I am no longer your teacher, and as we might as well be called family, you may use my given name.”</p><p>Potter’s eyes became even bigger than before.</p><p>“Oh.” The boy gulped. “Oh. All right. And you just... call me Harry, ok?”</p><p>“I will consider your generous offer,” Severus answered. He finished stuffing the goose and asked, “Dare I ask if any of you tried to make a Christmas pudding?”</p><p>“Even my sweet tooth is not big enough to waste a whole day on the cooking labours,” Sirius remarked, coming into the kitchen. He walked up to Harry and tousled the boy’s hair. “Molly has made us a special pudding, with copper knuts instead of silver sickles.”</p><p>“A wise foresight on her part,” Severus said dryly, “as we are going to entertain the Lupins. By the way, when exactly are they coming?”</p><p>“About teatime, I think.” Sirius’s shrug was wonderfully careless. “When Teddy wakes up after his nap.”</p><p>Severus shuddered. He had managed to forget about the Lupins’ new offspring.</p><p>“Perfect,” he drawled. “Absolutely perfect.”</p><p> </p><p>~ 2 ~</p><p>Harry felt totally confused, to say the least. He could not find even remotely reasonable explanations for Sirius’s and Snape’s strange behaviour. That last year before the end of the war, with the Horcrux hunt and Dumbledore’s fake death, and the Voldemort’s taking over the Ministry, seemed to be horrendous enough so that any sensible people who were actually on the <em>same</em> side should avoid quarrelling and bickering. Well, it seemed that those two did not want to be sensible. Not only they didn’t try to avoid squabbling, they actually <em>sought</em> each other out specifically to quarrel. And as time went, their bickering sounded more and more personal. At one point, Harry even asked Hermione what she thought about it, and she gave him a long lecture about stress relief. For some months, Harry even believed her to be right. A couple of times, he walked in on the pair when they were well into the bottle of the Old Ogden’s, and even thought that they might have actually outgrown their school rivalry.</p><p>However, the war ended at last, yet their strange meetings did not. During the next year and a half, Sirius still visited Snape too often for Harry’s peace of mind and talked too much to the man or about the man. And when seen or heard by anyone else, those two were still mostly bickering. They definitely could not simply be <em>friends</em>. They definitely did not behave like friends.</p><p>Harry could not help but suspect there was something more personal about this inexplainable relationship. Probably something bad if he was not allowed to know. Something... indecent. After <em>that</em> thought came to him for the first time, it was not really hard to explain all the secrecy and frequent visits, but the very idea of anyone, let alone Sirius, having personal relationship with Snape seemed so gross that Harry refused to believe in his own conclusions.</p><p>Curiosity was a much harder thing to kill, though, than even the Dark Lord. For many weeks Harry took pains to behave like an adult (unlike some people) and to stay away from the matters that did not <em>really</em> concern him at all. In the end, however, he gave in to the temptation and tried to ask Sirius (very cautiously) about Snape. Alas, Sirius did everything to confirm Harry’s worst fears. His indignant protests and clumsy excuses were more than enough of a proof that Harry had been right. And as the icing on the cake, Snape actually agreed to spend Christmas in the Blacks’ mansion!</p><p>The last two nights before the Day X Harry slept poorly due to some rather disturbing visions, and during the day he tried to reason with himself that even Snape can’t spoil Christmas. Even if Snape and Sirius started doing something... at that point, Harry usually began panicking and struggled to think of something else.</p><p> On Christmas Eve, Snape came to the Black family house not long before the midday. The man was snide and unpleasant, ordering Sirius and Harry about as if they were in detention again, his remarks as cutting as ever. He was also much more efficient in the kitchen, so they could at least profit from his expertise. After that, however, their talk took such a frightening turn that Harry would have really preferred being shouted at.</p><p><em>One just might be better off not knowing some things, thank you very much</em>, thought Harry, as he was finishing wrapping presents in his room.</p><p>When he came downstairs at last, laden with the numerous parcels and bright boxes, he discovered that the Lupins had already arrived. Actually, the first thing he saw was Snape’s grimace, as little Teddy climbed onto his knee and pulled on the Potions master’s long nose. Giggling, the little boy was changing his own nose to match Snape’s one. Sirius was laughing out loud, unashamed; Tonks was rolling on the floor laughing herself to tears. Only Remus was polite enough to try suppressing his smile (rather unsuccessfully, one might add).</p><p>“Lupid!” Snape demanded in a strained nasal voice, as Teddy’s little fingers still had his nose in a strong grip. “TAKE THAT OFF BE!”</p><p>“Unca!” Teddy pulled Snape’s nose even harder. “Sevy!”</p><p>“LUPID!” Snape roared, glaring at Remus.</p><p>Relenting, Remus saved Snape from the toddler’s clatches and put Teddy onto Tonks’s stomach, as she was still lying on the carpet. Tonks snorted and changed her own nose into a pig’s snout. Teddy giggled and copied her new face. Tonks laughed and changed her face to a raccoon muzzle. Teddy squealed happily and copied her again.</p><p>“Admit, Black, that was you who put the boy up to it,” Snape grumbled, rubbing his hurt nose.</p><p>Sirius smirked at him.</p><p>“I swear, I did nothing of the sort. Teddy just knows you are family,” he said.</p><p>Harry who had actually just thought that all this Snape and Christmas thing <em>might</em> not be as bad as he had feared, missed his chair and sat down hard right on the floor.</p><p>“What a delicate psyche you have... Harry.” Snape’s smirk was so evil that Harry shuddered. Snape continued, “Well, I am tired of this insane farce, Black. Would you be so kind to explain things to your godson before he faints? I think I deserve some compensation for putting up with this insanity, so I am going to sit back and rest until you talk yourself in a corner and need saving... that is, for five minutes, at least.”</p><p>Puzzled, Harry looked at his godfather. Sirius sighed.</p><p>“I am sorry, Harry. But everything you might have concocted in your mind about me, and Snape, and our relationship... would you just stop smirking, Sev! Well, it’s as far from the truth as it is really possible. I don’t even know where to start.”</p><p>“Well,” Snape said sardonically, “usually one starts with the beginning.”</p><p>Sirius rubbed his forehead.</p><p>“I think I should start with the Veil, actually.”</p><p>Harry frowned. Remus looked at his friend, puzzled.</p><p>“Whatever this might be, what does it have to do with the Veil?” he asked, frowning.</p><p>“It’s just the easiest place to start, really,” Sirius answered with a guilty look on his face. “Harry, I know it might sound strange, so many years later, and I know I’ve never really explained, and never told you the truth about that day at the Ministry...”</p><p>“Stop stalling, Black,” Snape yet again intervened, his voice unexpectedly mild this time.</p><p>“Stop interrupting,” Sirius demanded, “if you don’t want to tell the story yourself.”</p><p>“Oh no. I take great pleasure in seeing you squirm and stutter.”</p><p>“You’re as sympathetic as ever. Thanks.”</p><p>“You’re welcome. Stop being such a drama queen, Black. It’s actually rather hilarious, if one looks at it from the right angle, don’t you think? Well, just remember Albus’s face...”</p><p>Sirius chuckled.</p><p>“Oh yes, Albus. I swear, Harry, before that day I could not even imagine seeing such a look on Albus’s face!”</p><p> </p><p>~ 3 ~</p><p>Albus Dumbledore had never seen such a look on Severus Snape’s face before. Ire and horror blended on it so closely, that it was hard to tell whether the Potions master was scared out of his mind or beside himself with rage. Most probably, he was enraged with himself being frightened to death.</p><p>“Albus!” he cried out desperately. “<em>Why</em> didn’t you tell me earlier?!”</p><p>This reaction was so far from anything one might have expected that the Headmaster almost did not notice Severus’s using his given name for the first time in their complicated relationship, despite Albus’s numerous requests to do so during all these years.</p><p>“When could I, Severus?” he asked, somewhat bemused by the implied accusation. “It’s been only ten minutes since Harry left.” He waved a hand around, showing his wrecked office. “As you can see for yourself, the boy lost control in his grief and anger, and I had to —”</p><p> “I don’t give a damn about the brat’s grief and anger! “Why didn’t you tell <em>me</em> immediately, Albus?! I should be the <em>first</em> one to know!”</p><p>Albus rubbed the bridge of his nose.</p><p>“Severus. Now is not the time for jealousy or petty squabbles. I sent you a message as soon as I finished talking to Harry.”</p><p>Hearing this, the Potions master went pale.</p><p>“Merlin’s beard... So, you really don’t know! I thought you knew!” Suddenly his eyes blazed with new-born fire. “How long is it since it happened? Can you give me the exact time? An hour? Three hours? Five hours? How many?”</p><p>“I don’t know, Severus,” Dumbledore answered tiredly. “It’s been at least three hours, but I think, no more than five. Why do you ask?”</p><p>“Albus,” Severus said in a tense voice. “If you still wish to see Black alive, you have one hour at the most to get me to the Veil.”</p><p>Albus gave a start of surprise.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You have — we have — one hour. Please, hurry. If you don’t go, I’ll try to get there on my own. There’s still a chance, however small it is, to get him back. I will explain later. Are you going with me?”</p><p>Later Albus could never explain what it was that had made him <em>believe</em>. Whether it was the desperation in Severus’s voice or the determination in his eyes, Albus suddenly found himself as desperate and as determined to retrieve Sirius Black from behind the Veil as his younger colleague, even if he had not the slightest idea how that might be possible.</p><p>Thirty-five minutes later, they were at the Department of Mysteries. For a long moment, they stood in the Chamber of Death before the stone archway, looking at the fluttering Veil. The faint voices behind it seemed agitated.</p><p>Pale and fearless, Severus measured exactly twenty steps from the archway and then turned towards it, facing the Veil. In the next moment, Albus saw in Severus’s left hand a small silver sgian-like knife, and suddenly knew what was about to happen. He drew in air through his teeth quietly; first, Severus should not be able to make the ritual work, second, this magic was strictly forbidden and was considered Dark, as it used the caster’s soul energy to feed the soul of a recently deceased to make the latter able to return from behind the Veil.</p><p>As if reading his mind, Severus said quietly, not even looking at him, “For all that you hold dear, Albus, don’t try to stop me. Just... trust me, please.” And with these words, he slit his right palm open, and took his wand in his bleeding hand, and started chanting.</p><p>Mesmerized, Albus listened to the cadence of the ancient spell; it was devised centuries ago when daring and reckless wizards started experimenting with the Veil. Yet very soon after that it was banned as dangerous Dark magic, as too many desperate wizards lost their lives trying to return someone who they called dear... However, the spell just could not, should not work now, because for that, Severus would need to —</p><p>Albus shook his head and went up to his friend. This time, he would just trust Severus, whatever madness the younger man was engaged in. The words entwining with the very force of Severus’s soul produced a bright swirling beam that pierced the mysterious fabric of the Veil. The blood trickled down Severus’s arm and red drops fell from the sleeve of his robes to the flagstones of the chamber. It was the blood that fed the spell, and the magic, so it should not be stopped. After a moment of hesitation, Albus just stood behind Severus laying his hands on the younger man’s shoulders, giving his support and showing his trust.</p><p>The time seemed to have stopped. The swirling beam still pierced the Veil, and it fluttered more and more, and the mournful voices behind it became stronger. Albus felt Severus trembling under his hands, and felt cold — that meant Severus was weakening, losing his blood and his lifeforce. How long would Severus be able to continue? Should Albus interfere... and break the Potions master’s trust? No, not now. Not again. <em>Never</em> again. And Albus hardened his grip, thus trying to feed his own magic into Severus’s body. It was the most natural, most primal magic, that didn’t use spells or wands, just the force of one’s soul.</p><p>At last, with a sudden crack, the Veil snapped in the middle, and Sirius Black staggered into the Chamber of Death from the dark hole in its centre. His eyes looked glassy as if he didn’t recognise where he was; he made several unsure steps forward.</p><p>“Sirius!” Dumbledore called out. “SIRIUS!”</p><p>And the ancient ritual ended. The Veil flied up one more time behind Sirius’s back and became still again. The lamenting voices went almost silent. There was reason again in Sirius’s eyes... and then Severus lost consciousness and collapsed in the Headmaster’s arms.</p><p>“Albus?” Sirius asked in surprise, as if he had been woken from some dark and deep dream. “What’s going on, Albus?”</p><p>The next moment he noticed Severus, and his face twisted in anger.</p><p>“Snape! What have you done this time, you bastard?”</p><p>“Sirius,” Dumbledore tried to admonish, but his next words, whatever they could be, were cut off, replaced by an astonished silence, as Sirius rushed to him and almost wrested Severus out of his arms, clutching at the unconscious man like a frightened lover.</p><p>“You stubborn idiot!” Sirius roared. “You stupid bastard! Albus, stop the bleeding! I don’t have a wand; would you just DO something before he dies?!”</p><p> He didn’t really need to ask. As soon as Albus’s hands were free, the old wizard began chanting, slowly diminishing the flow of blood and healing the wound. Still clutching at Severus, the Animagus continued his angry railings.</p><p>“You bigheaded, stupid, egoistic bastard. You just can’t <em>ever</em> stop and admit you’ve been defeated, can you? Why would you do such a daft thing, you utter <em>git</em>?”</p><p>Severus suddenly opened his eyes and answered in a hoarse whisper, “Takes one... to know one... I don’t have... that many... brothers... to let one go.”</p><p> </p><p>~ 4 ~</p><p>Harry jumped to his feet, unable to sit and listen silently any longer.</p><p>“What?” he cried out, staring at Snape in an amazed horror.</p><p>“Such things happen more often than you suspect, Potter,” Snape remarked. His thin lips stretched in a gloating smile, and suddenly Harry remembered seeing a very similar expression on his beloved godfather’s face.</p><p>“But... how is that possible?” Harry asked, utterly bewildered and shocked.</p><p>“I sincerely hope that you have already been educated enough in this area,” Snape continued in his smooth and deceivingly mild voice. “As I, for one, am not ready to discuss birds and bees with you. Sirius, however, might be generous enough to explain...”</p><p>“Sev!” Now it was Sirius who couldn’t hide his horror.</p><p>Snape raised his brow.</p><p>“What’s the matter, <em>Siri</em>? Aren’t you going to explain how it is possible that you and I share the same father? I thought <em>Harry</em> here might wish to hear the story from yourself and not from me.”</p><p>“Actually, I would like to hear it, too, from any of you, if you please,” Remus added dryly.</p><p>“All right, I think it’s my clue to go down to the kitchen and make more tea,” Tonks said with a smile, taking Teddy in her arms. “I am not that much of a fan when the old family grudges are concerned. Don’t be shy, boys, and take your time, but please don’t kill each other, all right? After all that trouble we all went to in order to keep each other alive, it would be rather silly, don’t you think?”</p><p>She winked at Harry and left the room, taking Teddy with her.</p><p>Everybody looked at Sirius. He shrugged.</p><p>“It’s not all that much to tell, really. Just an age-old dirty family story. Apparently, my daddy dearest had a brief affair with Eileen Prince just about the time my mother discovered she was pregnant with me. Don’t know what he was he thinking — probably, he wasn’t thinking at all — but soon he got Eileen pregnant, too. She rushed into a marriage with some unsuspecting Muggle... and voila.” He glanced at Snape. “Sev is my paternal half-brother.”</p><p>Harry cast a side-glance at Snape and then looked back at Sirius. They didn’t really look like brothers, not like Sirius and Regulus on the portraits... and yet, he actually <em>could</em> see that they had something in common. Subtle things, ones that one had to look for, but they were there. There was something in their bearing, probably the manner of moving their shoulders when tired, and their hands had similar form and size, with long nervous fingers... and, of course, that smile, half-evil, half-glorious. Strange, how he always hated that smile on Snape’s face and liked it on Sirius’s...</p><p>“How long have you known?” Remus asked suddenly in a strangely hoarse voice.</p><p>Sirius shrugged again and muttered something vague.</p><p>“We have always known,” Snape smiled wryly. “Well, at least, my mother told me long before our first year in Hogwarts. As far as I understand, by that time, Sirius knew, too.”</p><p>Sirius nodded, and Remus paled.</p><p>“That means that in our fifth year, when you sent Severus to the Whomping Willow... how could you?!”</p><p>Sirius looked troubled and pained, and he and Snape exchanged glances.</p><p>“Let sleeping dogs lie, Lupin,” Snape said calmly. “We were fifteen. A lot of people are imbeciles at the age of fifteen, as you know perfectly well yourself. If I can live with that, so could you. If you try hard enough, of course.”</p><p>Harry couldn’t contain a nervous laughter, as he remembered hearing almost an identical argument from Sirius, all those years ago.</p><p>Remus’s nostrils flared, but he made an effort to control his temper, obviously biting back an angry retort, so Harry hastened to make his own contribution to the discussion.</p><p>“I am not fifteen anymore, but I am ready to admit that I certainly made a fool of myself,” he declared with a smile. “Sorry for that, Sirius... and Severus.” The last word was almost impossible to say without stuttering, but he did as best as he could. “So, it’s Christmas Eve, and it’s family time. Let’s celebrate.”</p><p>Snape gave him a long studying stare.</p><p>“Well, it seems you are not beyond hope, Potter,” he drawled. “It takes much more guts to acknowledge one’s idiocy than taking on Dark Lords.”</p><p>“As you, no doubt, know first-hand,” Remus grumbled, only slightly mollified.</p><p>Sirius and Snape exchanged glances again, and once more Harry saw the ghost of that same smile they shared.</p><p>“Oh yes,” Snape said in a strange voice. “However, the story of my follies is tedious and grim, and now is definitely not the time for it.”</p><p>“If I know you well enough, and I think I do, I’d say it’s time for that nice bottle you not-quite-presented me with,” said Sirius. “Shall I bring it and the tumblers?”</p><p>“Let’s have some tea first,” Tonks said, and they turned to the door where she stood grinning. Teddy was making funny faces at them from behind her legs, giggling.</p><p>“Great idea,” Remus answered, relaxing at last, and Harry also felt relieved and happy, as they all went down to the kitchen, bantering. And if their barbs were sometimes somewhat biting, well, it was normal for the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, wasn’t it?</p><p> </p><p>~ 5 ~</p><p>Much later, long past midnight, Severus was standing by the bedroom window and looking out into the street. The night was overcast, and the wet snow flurry bordering on a dribble was falling down on the Grimmauld Place and melting immediately. The reflections of the street lamps glimmered and flickered in the dark puddles on the cobblestones.</p><p> The door creaked, and he heard someone enter the room. Light steps came close, and the intruder stopped right behind Severus’s right shoulder. He did not move and kept looking out of the window, feeling the warmth of Sirius’s body right at his back.</p><p>“Well, as family dinners go, that wasn’t so bad, don’t you think?” Sirius asked after a while.</p><p>Severus felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and had to struggle to keep it under control.</p><p>“If you say so. I defer to your vast experience in these matters.”</p><p>Sirius laughed softly. Other than that, they both stood very still, not moving and not touching.</p><p>“I think that’s the first time in my life when you willingly defer to me in anything,” he said.</p><p>Now, Severus allowed a smirk to escape, trying to make it look evil and yet knowing that he had most certainly failed.</p><p>“Why, I might think of many more domains, where you possess experience that normal people don’t. For example—”</p><p>Sirius laughed again and gave him a smack on the back. His arm, warm and heavy, paused for a moment before staying tentatively on Severus’s shoulders, as if afraid that it might be just torn off for such a familiarity. To say the truth, for a brief moment Severus considered the option before finding it rather pointless, as well as messy. So, the arm stayed.</p><p>“I know, I know,” for some reason, the idiotic dog-boy now sounded a bit worried. “I went right into it, I confess. I just...” he paused. “Well, I think I’m happy. At last. Aren’t you?”</p><p>Severus gave him a condescending side-glance.</p><p>“You know I am never happy.”</p><p>“You mean you’d never admit to such a thing.”</p><p>Now, Sirius sounded more confident, but not provoking and even not teasing, just... encouraging? What an <em>idiot</em>. Again, Severus ignored him, just staring out of the window at the falling snow.</p><p>“Well?” Sirius prodded.</p><p>Severus sighed.</p><p>“Well, if you insist on getting an answer, I might admit being... content.”</p><p>For a moment, there was silence.</p><p>“Good,” Sirius said at last. “It’s good.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Technically, the first variant of this story was written about 11 years ago for a Russian Christmas fest.  Last year I found it and at first wanted just to translate it into English as a nice little Christmas joke, yet soon I found my original text somewhat too rude and primitive at the same time, yet I liked the main idea (SB&amp;SS being brothers) too much to resist using it. In the end, it was heavily rewritten, shifting the emphasis from mocking fandom tropes to the characters' relationships, as crazy as they are. Hope I managed not to get too mushy and fluffy. If not, well, I blame it all on Christmas spirits!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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